What Do I Want? How Do I Bring It Into My Life? Part 4

As I said in Part 3, I need to work out the specifics of what it is that I want before I can make it all happen.

So I’ll start by making a list of things I want, then I’ll break it down from there (if you are presently trying to figure this out as well, then perhaps this will help).

So, what do I want?:

. A job I enjoy.
. To move out.
. The freedom to be myself everywhere.
. To find someone who loves me for me.
. To be able to wake up every morning and feel happy and excited about the day ahead, instead of going “is it over yet?”

Now that I have my list I’ll begin to break each one down to get to the details:

. A job in an area that I enjoy, such as the Performing Arts (perhaps an Actress or a Singer), Photography (I’m working with B&W Film and the Darkroom at present in my class and it’s brilliant! No… not right this moment… ;)) or Writing (as well as writing here, I also enjoy writing novel length works, short stories, song lyrics, the occasional poem and film/theatre scripts of both short and feature length).

. To move out into a house near the beach, either by myself or with friends. The solution? A house with a granny flat! That way I can still kind of share a house with friends and have my own space at the same time. Only problem? I haven’t found one yet… I also can’t do this until I find a job.

. The freedom to be myself everywhere. Which unfortunately can’t happen while I’m still living where I am at present. Living with a family that wouldn’t be at all thrilled if I said the kinds of things I do elsewhere and told them the things I believe in makes that difficult. So I guess this one sort of can’t happen until the first two do. However, depending on which perspective I look at, it may also never happen. There will always be someone who will disapprove and get upset at me. Although it would be a lot easier to not care about these things if I wasn’t living in the same house as some of these people.

. To find someone who loves me for me. I’m not talking about friends and family here (although I guess you probably knew that anyway). I have a great second family in the Capoeira groups in my area, as well as many friends in the Capoeira and writing communities I’m involved in here. But I’d like a connection of the love variety too πŸ˜‰ Throughout a lot of my life, I’ve been made to feel as though I’m not good enough and what with things at home, I’ve never really felt as though anyone would ever like me for me, they all like the mask I’ve been putting up for the past… well, basically my whole life, but I don’t want to take it down, because that part of me is something they approve of. I don’t feel that they would accept me without it. So I want someone who will take the time to get to know me, who likes the person behind the mask and who won’t be constantly comparing me to someone else and making me feel bad because of it.

.Β To be able to wake up every morning and feel happy and excited about the day ahead, instead of going “is it over yet?” To have the above things would certainly help, but I need to get in the habit of remembering that while I haven’t exactly had the happiest life, that there are people out there who have worse lives than mine and that I should be thankful for all the good things in my life at present. I also need to remember that every day is a new opportunity to make things better and find happiness, not just another day to endure.

Now, lets see how I can bring these things into my life:

. Check out job websites, continue doing these things and find people who are interested in the many different things I do. Stay Positive! That’s also an important one. Not just for this, but for the others too πŸ™‚

. Check Real Estate websites for places to rent near the beach to see if any places with a granny flat are available or if any other places I like are. And find work.

. Achieve the first two. Spend more time in places where I can be myself.

. Be more trusting, but not too much or all at once. I may be getting better at trusting people, but as I said, that doesn’t mean I’m going to spill the beans all at once. Nor does it mean that the trust tests are going to be left by the wayside. They were invented for a reason πŸ˜‰

. Change my mindset. Not only will it help me to see the day in a more positive light, but it will also quite possibly help me achieve everything else.

Sure, the path won’t be all sunshine and rainbows (not sure why I used those words. First ones that came to my head for some reason. Goodness only knows why…), but it’ll all work out eventually πŸ™‚

Until next time,

The Nocturnal Philosopher πŸ™‚

(So that’s it! All four parts! At least, I’m pretty sure that it’s done… If I think of something else I should be adding to this series of posts, then I’ll let you all know. But at present that’s all :)).

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~ by thenocturnalphilosopher on 10/05/2012.

2 Responses to “What Do I Want? How Do I Bring It Into My Life? Part 4”

  1. We’re on such similar paths. Sending you positive vibes to keep you motivated and moving forward :-D.

  2. Sending positive vibes your way too πŸ™‚

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